


Letters

by kirst003



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-01
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-08-12 09:31:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7929595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirst003/pseuds/kirst003
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erin's not good with the face to face, so she writes letters instead. Mostly Erin/Abby past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letters

Abby opened the door to her room in the firehouse. On her bed sat a pile of letters, she could easily distinguish Erin’s handwriting on the envelopes. Two single envelopes “read first” and “read last” and a pile of envelopes bundled together, some quite tatty. Closing her door Abby sat down and picked up the “read first” envelope.

“Read First”

Dear Abby,  
You’re probably wondering what this is all about, you’ve known me most of my life, you out of everyone understands best that face to face conversations about feelings are not my strong suit. The bundle of letters you now have in your possession are letters I wrote you after left, too much of a coward to send. Read any/all/none of them. If you read nothing else please at least read the one I marked read last.  
Erin

\------------------

Dear Abby,  
I’m so sorry, oh god I’m sorry. I wish I could explain to you why I had to leave. I wish I was brave enough to explain to you, brave enough to send this. I’m not. I’m just a coward. But you Abby, dearest Abby you’ve always been there, my saviour. I’m so undeserving of your love. I couldn’t face you to explain and then actually leave, but I need to, I need to go. You’ll be better without me there holding you back.  
Erin

\------------------

Dear Abby,  
It’s been a week now and a night hasn’t gone by where I haven’t cried myself to sleep. I miss you. You were all I had for so long and now there’s no one. I know there is no one else to blame but myself. I can’t help but hope you don’t hate me. That one day I’ll be able to face you and explain. You know I was going to see my parents that day, the day I left. I was finally going to tell them about our research, about us. I thought they’d finally understand everything I had told them, when I was a child, about ghosts was real. Our research was good. We were going to be published. I didn’t even get that far. I told them I liked girls, you, I liked you. They looked at me like I was eight years old again Abs. They told me I was just imagining it, you’d indulged my fantasies about ghosts, that’s all it was. I know they were wrong. I know. But they made me feel like such a disappointment. I was too upset to tell them about the book, I don’t even think I said goodbye. I just left, left them, left you, left us. I’m sorry. I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to say that enough.  
Erin

\------------------

Abby,  
It’s been a month now. I’m not sure why I keep writing you, I’m never going to send these letters. I just miss talking to you so much. I hope you’re happy. All I want for you is to be happy. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for that. I just want to be normal for once. I know you understand that, you always did. But a fresh start is what I needed. To be away from ghosts completely. No one was going to take me/us seriously as scientists. I’m sorry.  
Erin

\------------------

Abby,  
I saw them today. My parents. It’s been over six months since I walked out, Mom called, they wanted to have lunch with me. She sounded happy. I thought they wanted to make amends. I don’t know why I keep getting my hopes up that I’m good enough for them. It was a set up. She wanted me to meet this “cute son of a friend”. It was horrible. He was nice enough, he tried. But god Abby most days I forget that you’re not right there for me to talk to. I’m not ready to be set up. I miss you so much every day.   
Erin

\------------------

Abby,  
I got a puppy today. I figured if I didn’t have you to talk to, then I’d get a puppy you. Little Abby is cute. So loud and demanding, I swear that’s has got to be an Abby thing. She’s a bed hog like you as well, which is amazing for such a small animal. I almost got a cat, I’ve always wanted one. But I couldn’t you’re allergic.   
Erin

\------------------

Abs,  
It’s finally done, school is over. We did it (I checked, you’ve finished too). I know I’m not there with you, but I’m so proud of us for getting through this. I applied for a job teaching at Colombia, I can just picture you’re face at that. I know you hated the stuffiness of that school. But it’s a good school, and I might get in. I’ve got good references. I still think about you daily. Little Abby (though she’s not so little now I suppose) is a constant reminder of you. It’s happy though. I hope you’re happy.  
Erin

\------------------

Abs,  
They’re considering me for tenure Abby. Can you believe it!? Tenure, at Colombia! I almost called you when I found out. It was stupid. There was no way you’d still be living in that little apartment we shared. Mom and Dad were thrilled. They’ve been setting me up with a steady stream of boys, men I suppose, almost every time I see them. God you should see me Abs, I can’t help but act like an idiot around them. You’re the only one who really ever understood me.  
Erin

\------------------

Abby,  
I can’t believe how good it was to see your face today Abby. I know I was mad at you for putting the book on Amazon. I don’t think I would have been able to face you otherwise. It was either that or just cry, and I’ve cried so much since I left. Dr Holtzmann is an interesting individual to say the least, I’m glad you have her. You seem happy. That’s good. I always knew we were right but GOD Abby we were right!   
Erin

\------------------

Abby,  
I don’t know why I’m still writing these, I guess I’m still too much of a coward to actually talk to you about this even though I see you every day again now. I spoke to Holtz today, not unusual I know. For someone so frenetic, she is amazingly easy to talk to. I asked her today about when she knew she was gay, and what happened when she came out, what people thought. Knowing she didn’t really have any friends growing up, and we are who she considers family, I don’t know why I didn’t expect the story I got. But I digress. There was something she said which really stuck with me. She told me that her sexual orientation, while a part of her – an important part, did not define her. It didn’t change the scientist she was, it didn’t change the normal interactions she had with people, so why should it matter what anyone else thought, she was happy. I rang my parents and told them I was bisexual. Can you believe we actually had a civilised conversation? They didn’t disown me, Mom even ended the conversation saying she’d keep an eye out for the ladies for me!  
Erin

\------------------

“Read Last”

Dearest Abby,   
I’ve seen you looking at me when you think I’m too busy with my notes. You look at me like I’m going to disappear any moment. I deserve that I know I do. I’m not going anywhere, not now, not ever again. I need you to know that I didn’t leave because you weren’t enough. I was a coward, I should have been brave enough to fight for you, for us, for me, but I ran. No more running. I choose our weird little family, I choose you. I’ll spend however long it takes to convince you I’m not going anywhere. I’ve needed you my entire life, you need to know you were never simply enough. You were/are everything to me.  
Love Always Erin


End file.
